Online Dating and Self-Disclosure

With today's advances in technology and the widespread use of the internet and social media, online dating is becoming more and more common. In any relationship, when and how we reveal something about ourselves, and how much we reveal, plays a large part of the relationship's success or failure. In online dating, revealing information about one'self, or self-disclosure, is even more crucial to the outcome of the relationship. With the help of two articles, I will exemplify the importance of self-disclosure in online dating.

In Eharmony's relationship advice, there is an article that recommends caution to people who use online dating sites. The author, Jeannie Assimos, states, "If you haven't met the person, it's not a real relationship." Though many dating sites are safe, she recognizes that it's users need to be careful about revealing information, and wary of others who may have bad intentions. This 2013 article, which can be found here,  http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2013/08/27/repeat-after-me-if-you-havent-met-the-person-its-not-a-real-relationship/#.UjyU48aUTEQ  discusses the ease of communicating online.  One can self-disclose as much, or as little as they like about themselves, whether it's true or not.  Jeannie stresses that an online user should connect with their match over the phone, as soon as they are comfortable. And if that goes well, then they need to interact with their match over Skype, or in person so they can get the face to face communication that is so important in a romantic relationship. Online dating site users need to keep from revealing too much about themselves and becoming emotionally invested before they meet their match face to face.

In "Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships" (Laura. K Guerrero), they have a good example about the appropriate timing of self-disclosure. If Conner had walked up to Anne the first time that he met her, and told her how in love with her he was, and raged about political issues, Anne would think that Conner was crazy and his self-disclosure was inappropriate (Page 102).  Just like in real life, online dating users need to start by revealing impersonal information about themselves and deep, personal information should be shared after the two have successfully met.  Eharmony's article states that until you meet a person face to face, you cannot have a relationship.

The Journal of Computer Mediated Communication says that when we humans begin developing romantic relationships, we strive to show our positive attributes to our potential partner.  When we disclose personal information, thoughts and feelings to someone, we get a response.  And when that response is positive, understanding and caring, it encourages us to disclose more of ourselves, on a deeper level.  http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x/full.  Jeannie is telling us not to get so carried away and emotionally involved before we meet online matches and can begin building a healthy relationship.

For many online dating site users, they have a hard time finding the right balance between that emotional connection, and their own safety in when or how much information to disclose.  Each of these sources tells us that self-disclosure is important in romantic relationships. And in any relationship, online or not, too much too soon, is a sure way to fail.  Something that Jeannie did not mention in Eharmony's article, is the precautions one should take when meeting an online match for the first time. Be wise, take someone with you.

Sources:

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2013/08/27/repeat-after-me-if-you-havent-met-the-person-its-not-a-real-relationship/#.UjyU48aUTEQ

"Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships" 2011. Guerrero, Andersen, Afifi.

Ellison, N., Heino, R. and Gibbs, J. (2006), Managing Impressions Online: Self-Presentation Processes in the Online Dating Environment. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 11: 415–441. doi: 10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x