Flirting - From the Pick Up Line to the Relationship

Flirting plays a key role in the beginning of romantic relationships.  It is an exciting time, filled with giggles, and uncertainty.  A lot of research has been done on flirting, and it is a common advise topic for magazines. Research has shown that most people engage in nonverbal flirting techniques, especially in the early stages of a relationship.  These techniques are less direct, and less obvious, making it easier to prevent rejection from the other person.  Dr. Albert Scheflen, is known for the development of the 5 Stages of Courtship Model, of which, I will describe the first three stages.

The first step in this Courtship Mode, is to gain the other person's attention.  This part of flirting occurs at the very beginning of a relationship, often, the first time that two people meet.  Males, and some females, become nervous about approaching a love interest.  Worries over the perfect pick up line, timing, and appearance are common.  David DeAngelo from AskMen.com suggests that if you a male does not have a lot of time, he should be direct and act normal.   Looking good and making a great first impression is crucial in this stage.  Just like in an interview setting, you may not have a lot of time to "sell yourself". The first step to flirting, is getting the other person's attention, and gaining their interest, hopefully leading to more time.

The second stage, courtship readiness, or the recognition stage, involves the other person's response to the initial flirting.  Do they react negatively by scoffing, or ignoring the flirtation? Or does the person respond positively by smiling, blushing, engaging a conversation, or gazing?  The results of this stage will either put an end to flirting and the continuation to a relationship, or they will lead to the possibility of more flirting and the development of a relationship.  David DeAngelo recommends a "Cocky and Funny" attitude for men in this stage.  Keep in mind that people flirt for different reasons.  Some people may be genuinely interested in a relationship, others may do it for fun, and others could be doing it to make someone else jealous.  Flirting can also be used to get to know another person more, or to create an emotional bond.

The positioning stage of courtship is what most of us call "talking".  This is when two people are really beginning to form a relationship together, although it may not yet be very serious.  People in this stage have made it past the "first interview" and are in a sort of trial period. Activities in this part of courtship include talking at close distances, smiling, brief touching, gestures, and maybe even hand holding.  While both males and females engage in flirting activities, a scholarly journal in Communication Quarterly says that most people still use a traditional flirting style.  In this style, men are expected to follow traditional male roles and pursue the woman and make the first move (Page 369).  This article also goes into detail about the physical flirting style, the sincere flirting style, the playful flirting style, and the polite flirting style.

Flirting is an important part to the beginning stages of a romantic relationship.  Some flirting messages, especially nonverbal, can be unclear, which may cause uncertainty.  "Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships" states that "Men are more likely than women to see flirtatious behaviors as seductive, whereas women often see these same behaviors as ways of being friendly and expressing innocent attraction (Page 191)."  This is one example of how uncertainty and confusion can cause disruption in flirting activities.  Nonverbal and verbal flirting, sometimes confusing or nerve-wrecking can be enjoyable.  Flirting is significant in the development of romantic relationships, particularly in the beginning stages.

Works Cited:


Hall J., Carter S., Cody M., Albright J. (2010) "Individual Differences in the Communication of Romantic Interest: Development of the Flirting Styles Inventory", Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.

DeAngelo D. (2013) "How Long Should I Talk to a Woman Before I Ask for Her Phone Number",
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_150/188_dating_tips.html

Guerrero L., Andersen P., Afif W. (2011) "Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships"