Birds of a Feather - Does it Work?

When you begin getting to know someone, whether it's a potential best friend or significant other, it is so exciting to learn more about them and discover things that you have in common.  Common interests and and other similarities are often what draw us to other people, but is that what makes a relationship last? In "Put Down that Cosmo," the author, Becca says that when we are similar to others in physical attractiveness, values and attitude, and background and education, the relationship can be highly successful.
http://notyouraveragebro.com/dating-tidbits-and-advice/put-down-that-cosmo/'
 Researchers such as Morry, Kito and  Ortiz, have found this to be true. So even though Becca only has her Bachelor of Science in Psychology, her article in Not Your Average Bro can be trusted.

The Matching hypothesis says that we are drawn to others who have the same level of attractiveness as we do.  Usually, people that we choose to be close to us are within one point of our level of physical attractiveness (1-10).  Have you ever seen a couple with one beautiful partner, and one partner that was far less attractive and wondered why??  This hypothesis is not true for every couple, but it stands for most romantic partners and close friends.

The second type of similarity that usually draws people together, and the one that often keeps people together, is in values and attitude. These are things such as views on religion, or politics, and the way that we were raised, our morals. One of the reasons called the reinforcement model, as stated in "Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships," is that when another person shares our same values and attitudes, we feel that we are correct in our beliefs and perceptions (Page 66).  Our values and attitudes are important to us and when someone close to us shares in these beliefs, it gives us a stronger sense of belonging. Also, the article in Personal Relationships says that when two people are similar in their attitudes, it can assist with reducing potential conflicts (Page 127).

The third way that similarity plays a role in connecting us to others is background and education.  Often times, someone will become close with a significant other or a friend if they come from similar financial backgrounds, ethnicity or nationality, or other demographics.  A study conducted by Luo shows that similarity of age and ethnicity had an important role in attraction to others (Page 135).   People also tend to be drawn to people who have similar educational backgrounds, particularly, people who have a similar level of communication skills.

Even though opposites do sometimes attract, "Birds of a feather" also attract, and research shows that similarity often helps "Birds of a feather flock together." Similarity in physical attractiveness, attitudes and values, and backgrounds and education, all plays a large role in drawing us to others, romantically or not, and sometimes, in maintaining that relationship.


Works Cited:

Becca (2012) "Put Down that Cosmo!:, Not Your Average Bro
http://notyouraveragebro.com/dating-tidbits-and-advice/put-down-that-cosmo/'

Morry M., Kito M., Ortiz L. (2010) "The attraction–similarity model and dating couples:  Projection, perceived similarity, and psychological benefits", Personal Relationships DOI: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01293.x

 Luo S. (2009) "Partner Selection and Relationship Satisfaction in Early Dating Couples: The Role of Couple Similarity", Personality and Individual Differences. Colume 47, Isue 2.

Guerrero L., Andersen P., Afif W. (2011) "Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships"