Influencing Others
Whether we realize it or not, to some degree, we all attempt to influence others in our relationships. We may try to influence their behavior, their opinions, or smaller things such as which restaurant to eat at. There are a number of ways to influence others, called compliance-gaining strategies. These strategies include direct requests, bargaining, aversive simulation, ingratiation, or hinting (Others are moral appeals, manipulation and withdrawal).
An article in Madamenoire titled, "How to Get What You Want From Any Man," gives several tips for influencing a man. Many of these fall under the types of influencing techniques listed above. The first tip from Madamenoire, being open and honest, is a direct request type of influence. This technique is commonly used and highly effective, especially in relationships with mutual respect and intimacy. Examples of this influence are "Would you please take the trash out?," or "I think we should set aside one night a week for us to spend together." Bargaining is another common type of influence. Instead of asking directly, bargaining would look like this: "I'll take the trash out if you do the dishes." Madamenoire advises us to offer to do something in return when influencing someone else. The author of this article suggests that we could cook a favorite meal for the other person.
Aversive stimulation is one of the more childish influencing strategies. Though sometimes effective, pouting, whining and complaining until a person gets their way is often viewed as negative behavior. This is what Madamenoire says not to do. The next technique, is ingratiation, or "kissing up." The Madamenoire article advises women attempting to persuade their men to do this by telling him that he is the best source for what they need. By saying that he is the first, and best pick, he is flattered and more willing to do what they want. The article also recommends that women smile and act polite and kind while asking for something.
Women are also known for "hinting." Instead of asking for a husband or roommate to take out the trash, a woman might say, "Wow look, the trash is overflowing." The effectiveness of hints relies on the relationship and the other person. According to "Compliance-Gaining Strategies, Communication Satisfaction, and Willingness to Comply," the closer and more intimate that two people are, the more likely they are to be influenced or persuaded (Page 101). Interestingly, research has also found that two people in a healthy relationship use these compliance-gaining strategies less often because there is less that they need to change (Page 265. Guerrero).
So whether you are trying to get your dad to buy you tickets, hinting about a dream house, or waiting for the trash to be taken out, remember to be honest and direct, and smile. There are many ways to attempt to influence others and some are more effective than others. They may or may not work so well because of the technique itself, or because of the type of relationship and it's intimacy.
Works Cited:
Grant J., King P., Behnke R. (1994) "Compliance-Gaining Strategies, Communication Satisfaction, and Willingness to Comply", Communication Reports, 7(2), 99-108.
Renee E. (2010) "How to Get What You Want From Any Man", Madamenoire
Guerrero L., Andersen P., Afifi W. (2011) "Close Encounters: Communicating in Relationships"
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